Life Goes On.

Life goes on.

Three words that are hard for me to believe sometimes. Last year I thought I had finally gotten my life in order. My depression and anxiety were under control. My good days were outnumbering the bad for the first time in quite a while. Then my luck turned. My best friend and last serious boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident 2 days before I was supposed to return to Omaha from Fall Break. October 23. I’ll always remember the day. At the young age of 20 a life was lost and a part of me was lost with him. I got lost in my grieving for so long that my grades and friendships suffered. I cut myself off from the world because I didn’t think I could go on without him. I was convinced I would never feel anything again. I believed that that this pain, loneliness and feeling of hopelessness would never leave me.

Then my friends started slowly wading into the deep pool of pain I had created for myself. Inch by inch they led me out. Day by day they showed me how much of my life I was missing. Hug by hug they showed me the love that still surrounded me. Laugh by laugh they reminded me that life goes on. I have been blindsided by loss again this year and put back on the path to that pain I know far too well. And once again I was reminded that life goes on. I’m still here and still breathing. I am still loved and I can still love. There is so much more of my life to live.

I’m lucky to have friends that are brave enough to reach out to me and remind me of everything that is good and lovely in this world. I have friends that play beautiful music. They play songs that reach out and remind me of all the passion surrounding me. I have friends that can make me smile, laugh, and cry simply by being courageous enough to string word after word into a moving passage. Friends that know when to listen and when to talk. Friends that aren’t afraid of my pain. Friends that can calm me down and bring me back to reality when I lose sight of everything but myself and my pain. Friends that love me enough to answer my calls at 2 in the morning no matter how much they have going on in their own lives.

I’d like to thank them for being brave. I’d like to thank them for staying around. I’d like to thank them for loving me when I can’t find it within to love myself.

Every now and then we need to rely on people. Trusting doesn’t come easily to me. I’ve been hurt so many more times than I’ve been helped or than I’ve healed. Every tear I shed because someone wasn’t there to comfort me makes it that much harder to trust someone the next time I’m hurt.

I have realized that life goes on. We’ve all heard it so many times that sometimes we can’t see the truth in it. It’s true that sometimes we fall and break. Sometimes we feel like we are walking this Earth alone. Sometimes we are so far in the dark that we forget light exists. We are so deep in our loneliness that we forget that other people exist, and care about us. We fall so deep into our struggles that we lose hope.

Never give up. Even when it seems like there’s nothing to be found in the darkness, there’s always hope and love. Even when it seems like you’ve been losing an awful lot, remember that you always have your friends to lean on. 

With hope,

Karissa