It's a hard day. I mean, you're supposed to just stop everything you are doing and muster up the strength to remember what you're thankful for in life. Honest reflection is difficult. Truly noticing the privilege of our lives is tough. And, that's all without throwing on top a bought of depression or just a bad fucking day. Hell, that's not including the energy it can take to be civil to your family, regardless of if you love them or not. So, what's my point?
Honestly, I'm unsure.
I mean, I want to tell you you're beautiful and that's something I am thankful for. I want to tell you that your story is important. I want to tell you it's alright to be a little (or a lot) pissed off on Thanksgiving Day. I mean sometimes life can suck. But, even at its hardest, life is all we have. You can have me, too, if when it's hard I can have you too. Can promise each other that? That when the going gets tough we will remember to lean on each other?
So, if today was hard for you, I hope you'll reach out. You can email me @ twloha.creighton@gmail.com. Just put my name in the subject or something. Otherwise, I hope you'll find a friend. And if today was easy for you, I hope finding things to be thankful for brought a lovely smile to your face. And maybe all of us can be thankful some day. I mean, the stars are gorgeous, and nothing beats a picturesque sunset. It's just a little hard to notice sometimes.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Where is my God?
Why is God dead to me?
Today I walked out of Kevin's office feeling sad and not understanding why. I went to dinner and forgot about it, surrounding myself with laughter instead of doubt. Then, I went to rehearsal and lost myself to another time. Now, I'm sitting in my room, sad again. I can't say I know why now either.
I do know, however, that I am floating, treading in a sea of undefined emotions and unfulfilled dreams. This life is filled with uncertainty. It's guesswork and longshots, hoping and praying for positive outcomes. When we go to bed at night we don't know we will wake up.
God is supposed to make sense of that mystery. He is our answer to the confusion of the world.
So, what does it mean when we can no longer feel Him. What does it mean when your God has disappeared.
God stopped feeling real to me when I decided to come out. I realized the Church that proclaims my God's Word doesn't accept or love me. Of course, God isn't the Church. God isn't dogma and doctrine, Tradition or tradition. God is Love. Why, then, can't I feel Him anymore?
When you live in a world without a higher power, you don't have the answers anymore. There's no, "It was God's will." There's only humanity, and I'm not sure I like everything I see.
I don't like the bullying and young self-inflicted deaths. I don't like the lack of compassion or the inequality. I don't like that love between two people doesn't constitute a partnership. I don't like that immigration means criminalization.
But I do like that when I have a bad day dozens of smiling faces are there to make it better. I do like that hugs are embraces of whole people, letting them know they are okay. I do like that passions are like the stars, and I can view them with awe. I do like holding hands and sharing everything. I do like trusting and knowing it'll be okay.
So, maybe that's where my God went, to humanity. He is spread out amongst us, waiting to be released in a wink or a wave. In the twinkle of an eye, or in an innocent laugh. Maybe my God is in social justice and people just wanting to do the right thing. Maybe my God is in Love. Maybe He is Love. Maybe I just need to see more of it, of Him.
With hope,
Pat
Today I walked out of Kevin's office feeling sad and not understanding why. I went to dinner and forgot about it, surrounding myself with laughter instead of doubt. Then, I went to rehearsal and lost myself to another time. Now, I'm sitting in my room, sad again. I can't say I know why now either.
I do know, however, that I am floating, treading in a sea of undefined emotions and unfulfilled dreams. This life is filled with uncertainty. It's guesswork and longshots, hoping and praying for positive outcomes. When we go to bed at night we don't know we will wake up.
God is supposed to make sense of that mystery. He is our answer to the confusion of the world.
So, what does it mean when we can no longer feel Him. What does it mean when your God has disappeared.
God stopped feeling real to me when I decided to come out. I realized the Church that proclaims my God's Word doesn't accept or love me. Of course, God isn't the Church. God isn't dogma and doctrine, Tradition or tradition. God is Love. Why, then, can't I feel Him anymore?
When you live in a world without a higher power, you don't have the answers anymore. There's no, "It was God's will." There's only humanity, and I'm not sure I like everything I see.
I don't like the bullying and young self-inflicted deaths. I don't like the lack of compassion or the inequality. I don't like that love between two people doesn't constitute a partnership. I don't like that immigration means criminalization.
But I do like that when I have a bad day dozens of smiling faces are there to make it better. I do like that hugs are embraces of whole people, letting them know they are okay. I do like that passions are like the stars, and I can view them with awe. I do like holding hands and sharing everything. I do like trusting and knowing it'll be okay.
So, maybe that's where my God went, to humanity. He is spread out amongst us, waiting to be released in a wink or a wave. In the twinkle of an eye, or in an innocent laugh. Maybe my God is in social justice and people just wanting to do the right thing. Maybe my God is in Love. Maybe He is Love. Maybe I just need to see more of it, of Him.
With hope,
Pat
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Minutes 11/4
November 4th Meeting
Pat, Katie, Hilary, Soko, Milana, Caitlin, and Irsa were present
We went over exec responsibilities. Milana will be in charge of the Event committee and Hilary will be in charge of the Awareness committee. If you want anything on the blog send it to Irsa!
Events
The Purpose for the Pain event has been moved to November 20th in Java Jay
We will display the memoirs at the event (we have almost 30!) and send a picture to TWLOHA
If you ever want to share a story, poem, blog, etc. at a meeting please bring it
We had lots of hang out/bonding time tonight J
We got kicked out around 9:15. Oops.
For you entertainment, watch these and smile:
Kittens Inspired by Kittens!
Jessica’s Daily Affirmation. She loves life
P.S. The Creightonian is writing a story on us. Go us.
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